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When You’re Being Challenged, Just Stew in Gratitude.

Monday, October 10th, 2011

The past twenty-four hours I’ve been extremely challenged. I’m not going to share in what way, as it’s very personal. I don’t always hold things in, and I am more than willing to share some personal things publicly, but for right now I’m not. And that’s okay. As it is for you when you don’t feel like talking about things. It’s good to get things off of our chest but only do it when you’re ready. But that’s not what I’m writing about today. What inspired me to write today is really about what is getting me through these challenging moments.

When ever I’ve stumbled upon the rocky road of challenge, unintentionally of course, what seems to work for me is to do what I can to remind myself what it is that I am grateful for. I consider it a brain exercise to shake me from that which seems to be the norm, even though for the most part I see myself as a positive person. As you might too. Alas, I’m human. And I have a brain that has a file cabinet full of old memories, emotions, interpretations, limiting beliefs and old conversations about life and myself.

I know you know what file cabinet I’m talking about. That one that when things seem bleak or well…challenging, it has no problem playing back those old recordings.  Like old tapes that can be found in a basement in an old taped up box. But somehow those tapes find themselves in your CD player and you wonder how they ended up there.

So although I’ve been frustrated, and was talking to myself while shedding a few tears in my car last night (okay that was personal), I engaged myself in the exercise of gratitude. What helped me get in this mode was watching TED video after TED video, reading a little bit of Napoleon Hill’s “Think and Grow Rich”, and watched a Bob Proctor video on “Decisions” this morning. That may seem like a lot, but trust me, I’m being really challenged right now.

I know you’ve heard about the importance of being grateful but it’s only when you actually go down that path, as if you’re taking a walk together, can you really enter that state. So, I’m going to get a little more personal with you and share what it is that I’m grateful for in this moment. And maybe, just maybe…this will inspire you too to take a moment and really reflect on what you appreciate about your life.

For example…I’m grateful for the fact that my computer works great and is light enough that I can travel with it. That I can use it to gather my thoughts, send emails to friends and clients, and that I can watch TED videos to help me get in a better mood.  I’m grateful for a car, regardless of how dirty it is right now, that is comfortable to drive, has GPS to tell me where I need to go even though I’ve probably driven that route multiple times, and is big enough to fit everything in it that I need.

I’m grateful that I am my own boss. That I can make my own schedule, and can use my time how I want to. I am grateful that I get challenged by this very thing to utilize my time wisely as I could easily waste hours browsing into other peoples’ personal lives on Facebook.  I’m grateful that I have amazing friends that are understanding, encouraging, and appreciative of what we are able to bring to each other’s lives. Even though sometimes I can be a complete introvert and turn inward, those same friends are there for me when I am ready to peek my head outside again.

I’m grateful for my clients who after a session say thank you over and over, and express how much they are enjoying what they are learning. Yes it gives me purpose, yes it’s nice to be complimented but overall, it’s a reminder that I am on the right path and I get to live out my purpose in being here in this life time on the planet right now. I’m grateful for my younger sister who has been so helpful to me on so many levels. In my own personal evolvement, relating to family, and dog sitting my faithful companion while I am out of town or conducting a workshop.

I am grateful for the many kids I come across – for their free smiles, their curious gazes and looks of wonder about this vast place called the world. I am grateful for the ability to have clean drinking water, and to heat up a teakettle to sip a cup of tea to comfort me while I do my work.  I am appreciative of the technology that flies me across the sky, to be able to travel to distant places that would take me days to drive to in a car so I can experience them for the first time. And most of all I am grateful for the beast that is by my side, who reminds me to be playful, who likes to chase her tail for fun, and leans against my leg or lays on my foot, as she slowly melts into the floor to take a nap.

I could go on and on, but I’m already feeling better. I try to remind myself to do this every night before I go to bed so I can complete my day in a feel good way, but sometimes I forget or am just too tired, and before I know it, I’m already on my way to an imaginative dream state that I will mostly forget and every once in a while remember. Until the next time I am challenged, I know I can always resort back to being conscious about the many things I can be, and AM grateful for.  It can be painful and challenging to be human, but we can choose to remind ourselves that it’s nice to be alive too.

Past, Present, and Future. Where and When Are We Really Living From Anyway?

Tuesday, October 4th, 2011

A lot of our actions and mostly reactions to the things life throws our way is heavily dependent on our attitude. This encompasses both our past, present being, and futuristic perspectives. We can choose to be stubborn and not make a decision at all- leaving us stagnant and frustrated- or we can choose to move forward from our past and surge forward into a more positive and productive future. When it comes to your choices, it can be boiled down to two possible approaches: allow the past to control and overwhelm your existence, or learn from previous perceived mistakes and mishaps, and burst forward into a new period of personal growth!

But setting the past aside for a moment, we must also learn to appreciate the here and now. If we’re too busy concentrating on the past or looking to the future, we forget who we are and what we want in the present. When you obsess about events from the past, it’s like driving with your eyes focused entirely on the rear view mirror. If you have a tendency to think about things where you’re only focused on the future such as “I’ll be happy when…”, or “I’ll feel successful when…”, it’s like driving with your head outside of the front windshield and ignoring crucial aspects within the car, such as your speedometer, important warning lights on your dash display, that your gas might be low, or possibly unintentionally ignoring your front seat passenger. Much like driving, life is a crucial balance of learning from the past, enjoying and being at peace with the present, and planning for the future.

To help influence your attitude, first look at the people with whom you associate with. Are they positive, “living in the moment” types too, or are they engrossed in the past? How do they make you feel as a person? Are they supportive of what you would like to do or are they always saying things where you end up second guessing yourself? Maybe they are always trying to remind you of who you used to be rather than really seeing you for who you are today? There is also the possibility that they are so in the moment, that they never seem to look forward into their future and never seem to process on a deep level the significant life experiences they have had in the past.

It all comes down to personal value and self-worth, and that can have a strong impact on your over attitudes. If you feel you have low value in life, it could be because of the people you’re hanging around, which, in turn, influences your attitude towards yourself and life in general. The reverse is true as well, misery loves company so if you don’t really love yourself, I mean really love yourself, then you most likely are spending a lot of time who don’t necessarily loves themselves either. So it might be time, you know what time I’m talking about, it’s time for an attitude change to be in order. In order to accomplish that, it requires two things: a clearer, more solid focus on the present (while not completely ignoring the past or the future), and improving your social circles so that you’re surrounded with the right people who help you to become a better, happier person – a bigger version of you.

You’ll have a much easier time changing your social circle and attracting people who are more on the same page as you by seeing all of those things that have happened before as a contribution to who you are today, and letting go of your attachment to the when, the how, and the who of those things you are wanting for yourself in the future. Without these factors, your attitude and perspective towards life will suffer until you’re willing to go through these steps required to achieving the change you desire. It’s not difficult, but it does require some patience and inner strength. And can you imagine the kind of attitude you would have then by being in that place? Go ahead, be bold and courageous in a way you haven’t before, then maybe your attitude will be contagious. In a great way.

When Babies Learn How to Walk, They Don’t Worry About the “how”

Monday, September 26th, 2011

A few Saturdays ago, I took an exercise class by the one and only Richard Simmons. (Yes, that Richard Simmons.) What an amazing experience. Not only did he have everyone smiling and laughing throughout the entire hour-and-fifteen-minute class, he stopped to have a brief conversation with everyone about their self-worth. More specifically, about how his classes are not just exercise classes but a place to learn about your self worth and value. That gesture alone inspired me to write to share the experience for my first newsletter.

What amazes me about doing this work is how often a prospect or new client indicates that they are lacking in “self love” or self worth. Sometimes, I even go as far as asking the question, “On a scale of 0-10, how much do you love yourself?” Most people have a look of embarrassment or shock once they confront their own opinion of themselves.  I will also ask them what they do like about themselves and it amazes me how often they squirm in the idea of thinking about it, let alone saying anything out loud.

As painful as that moment can be, it can also be freeing. When a person really gets where they’re at emotionally about anything, and they can be honest about it — out loud — then they are, in a sense, releasing it rather than holding it in. You may think that by holding it in, you’re hiding that from everyone you interact with. The truth is you’re not.

Whether you believe it or not, we can read each others energy and sense that something is wrong or off, but most often we are also afraid to ask. What begins then is a cycle of inauthenticity and dishonesty. I’m not saying that you have to blurt out to everyone that you’re miserable or that you should be a constant Debbie Downer, but through coaching or other healing modalities, at least you can be honest, get it off of your chest and, most importantly, do something about it.

Please know that your low self worth didn’t just happen yesterday. Without realizing it, you were probably given some messages growing up about not being “good enough”. Or perhaps you went through an experience where you were embarrassed, and ever since then, you have probably been in an unconscious — or conscious –”self protection mode” that seems as though it’s been keeping you safe.

It may have been up to this point. But if you are reading this now, I imagine that you are tired of living life the way you have been. By staying safe, and playing small, are you where you want to be? Are you achieving what you want to achieve and checking off those items on your life long “to do” list? If you answered no to any of the above, then you’ve come to the right place.

IT IS YOUR CHOICE! Your next thought might be “yeah, but how do I move through being stuck and move past where I am now?” My question back to you, “what if there wasn’t a how?” We get so caught up with the “how” in how we are going to do anything that we don’t even take the first step. I would imagine that you probably don’t remember taking your first step when you learned how to walk. Babies don’t worry about how they are going to learn how to walk; they just follow their instinct and keep trying it. They may fall and cry a few times but eventually they not only learn how to stand up, before a parent knows it, they are chasing their kid across the living room floor.

Common Business Excuses…Busted!

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

When it comes to established business owners, sometimes they can experience a little complacency. It’s not that they have stopped working hard, it’s just that they have learned a thing or two and don’t want to change what they’re doing if it’s been working well so far. Unfortunately this spells D O O M for a plethora of business owners and operators, so, to avoid these mistakes, don’t find yourselves falling into any of the following excuses commonly proclaimed by the biz “greats:”

“If it works, then leave it be.”

Or in other words if it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it. This is a common misconception in the realm of business, where we are lead to believe that just because business seems to be going pretty good right now, we should just let it continue without exerting ourselves by looking for further avenues for improvement. This is incredibly misguided, as business is exactly the opposite: it’s important to always look for new ideas, ways of improving yourself and ways to increase profitability and productivity. Of all the research I’ve done, there are a lot of great books, articles and blogs about the reasons as to why businesses fail. The one that relates to leaving things be is that most businesses look to build short term profits rather than long term value.

“Make something better than the other guys and you’ll be flooded with customers.”

This may well be true for a small minority, but in a world of instant copycats and discounted fakes, you as the great inventor must be cautious when believing this statement. Just because you make something that you personally find amazing doesn’t mean it actually is, nor does it mean that it will automatically overwhelm you with new customers. I may think that I’m a really great coach, but there are a lot of great coaches out there beside myself. What is unique about me is my life experiences, who I am as a person and how I coach my clients is personal to me. But it doesn’t serve me to think that I am the best coach out there and that I could be the best coach for everyone. Like the product or service you are offering, it may indeed be better than what’s available on the marketplace today, but if it’s more expensive or not well advertised (amongst dozens of other potential problems), then it may be time to rethink your business approach or the types of customers you are trying to attract. There is definitely a time/value trade off, as well as a risk factor involved, so make your decisions wisely.

“Do whatever you can to get the business.”

When you’re first starting out in business, it may be tempting to take every job offer that comes your way, no matter how little it may pay you. Why? Because work is work and making money is all that matters. Well, not exactly. The sign of a true business-savvy individual is that he or she is able to turn down assignments or projects they find not worth their time when comparing time spent and income earned.

I made this mistake for many months when I first started out as a coach. I undercharged for the value I was providing, and even though I kept raising my prices, I still kept hearing from mentors and other successful coaches that I wasn’t charging enough. I wasn’t new to coaching as I’ve been doing this technically since I was in seventh grade. But I was new as a coach who was trying to make a living at it. So over time as potential clients would negotiate me down in price, regardless of how much or little I was charging, it felt good to just start saying something in the realm of “when you’re ready I’ll be here to support you.” I didn’t know I could do that.What I finally got was that it wasn’t always about price, sometimes they are just not ready. So just because the ball may be in your court doesn’t mean you have to swing every time. It’s okay to let it pass you if it’s not worth the effort.

“Details, details, details!”

As a business owner, you’re going to drive yourself insane if you’re so focused on the minute details that you barely have enough time for the day-to-day operations. That’s the beauty of owning a business or being an entrepreneur; you can outsource some things and focus on the overall picture: keeping your company in business. Details are certainly important, but it’s too easy to get caught up in them and fail to see the big picture (which is what the owner should be focusing on in order to pursue success in the most productive, least time-consuming way).

As the visionary and the creator of a product or service, it’s important to keep site on the long term vision so you always see where you’re going. And believe me, now that I have an incredible team that includes a VA (virtual assistant), a graphic designer, a website developer, a ghost writer to help me with Marketing, a bookkeeper, and a coach to hold me accountable to what I say I’m going to do, then the fun part for me is I get to do what I do best – Coach, be an idea machine, write, and of course talk about how much I love to do what I do.

So, when you hear all of these sayings from fellow business owners, don’t forget to take a step back and truly examine them for what they’re worth. Just because it’s a common saying doesn’t make it mean it’s true for you, or for the next entrepreneur you talk to. So be flexible and have an open-minded approach to business. Only this will bring success and your success is really up to you.

The Power of Positivity in the Workplace

Sunday, September 18th, 2011

Did you know that your level of optimism at work can completely your determine both job satisfaction and productivity? It’s true! Studies have proven that people who have generally positive outlooks- both on life and at work- tend to be much happier in their jobs, whether they’re lawyers, plumbers, teachers, or journalists.

So what does this mean? There are three types of workers: those that are in jobs they hate but do it in order to get by financially, those that don’t love it but maintain a positive mental attitude to make the day less sufferable, and those that absolutely love their jobs and can’t wait to wake up in the morning to go to work. Take a look at those three categories and ask yourself: which one do I fall under?

Now take a look at your motivational drive. Are you working in your current job solely to make a lot of money and get great benefits such as medical, dental, and a 401K? Are you doing it because it is something you enjoy so much that you’d almost be willing to do it for free? Or are you doing it so that you may see improvement, not only in yourself and your workplace, but even on a global scale? By examining these possible motivations, or what I like to call inspirations, it will be easier to target where your problem areas are, as well as where your strengths lie. Once you understand these things, you will be able to better contribute to your company as an employee (or become more inspired as an employer), which leads to a higher quality system of organization and more inspiration to achieve for all.

The final factor in regards to positivity in the workplace is that of happiness itself. If you hate your job, it’s not likely that you’re too happy in or out of the workplace. By going in with a positive attitude each day and focusing on aspects that make your position worth staying in, you will gradually notice a change in your feelings for your job. It’s true that not all optimists are much happier than their pessimistic counterparts, but the perception of being happy in their shoes more than makes up for the lack of actual happiness. As the saying goes, “perception is everything.” Also: “you get out of it what you put into it.” If you treat your job like a daily chore, then that’s how it’s going to feel, day in and day out. But if you approach it with an attitude of excitement and continuously seek out new opportunities, then you are more likely to attract exactly that.

What would it be like for you to look for reasons as to why you like what you do, or why you love your job vs. why you don’t?  If you’re new at this, or just out of practice, start small and pick something that might be obvious. Then work your way to those things that may require a little more thought. Before you know, while positivity may not be the answer for everything in life, it can definitely improve your outlook on both life and your career.

How to Build a Successful “Hands-Off” Business

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Creating a business from scratch can be difficult, but maintaining it doesn’t need to be as difficult as new entrepreneurs would believe. Trust me I know. The desperate months of little to no cash flow, hours upon hours of overtime with little to show for it, and headache-inducing obstacles can all be avoided if you simply start and continue with the right mindset. When looking to create a business that not only provides a decent income but is able to effectively “run itself” as well, there are many things to keep in mind as you go along:

First, you must build the business to be self-sustaining from the very beginning. All too often, people decided they’ll do all the work for a wile, at least until the business can “afford” to be outsourced to other helpers. With this mentality, it’s possible that that day will never come and you will be a slave to your company for as long as you own and operate it. But if you go into it with the solid goal of automation, then you’re already light years ahead of other entrepreneurs around you.

Next, know (and be willing to admit) your weaknesses, as well as your strengths. Entrepreneurs just getting started often fall into the trap of wanting to have complete control over everything. Okay, but at what cost? Working eighteen-hour days on a part-time salary for the first few years is enough to drive anyone to quit the business. Good entrepreneurs work smart by focusing on their strengths and delegating things they’re not so good at to others who can achieve the caliber of results they desire.

Also, don’t forget to experiment with new technologies or programs. This can be the fastest track to business automation, as adding more of these programs offer you more and more free time while still retaining the same quality and quantity of results as before (when you were doing everything yourself). Plus, everything you spend your money on that’s related to your business is a potential tax write-off, so what do you honestly have to lose?

Bringing in amazing people is also crucial. Few highly successful companies are 100% automated, which means you’ll need some living, breathing help to get you through the rocky beginning phases as well as the continued development and improvement stages after you’ve cemented your place in your given industry. If you don’t find people with a good work ethic or the same vision for the business that you have, then automation will not be easy, if even possible. So again, right from the get go, set some intentions about surrounding yourself with hard workers who also share a passion for quality production from your business.

So, if you’re trying to “succeed in business without really trying” per se, the key is self-sufficiency and have your business be in essence self sustainable. You’re not going to want to be overseeing every tiny little detail over the life of the business, so the best way to give yourself more breathing space and free up more time is to learn to spread out your work through means of outsourcing to other qualified people, and using the latest technologies to take the tough stuff off of your plate. If you can imagine that happening, then just imagine what you would do with your time as you choose? I bet you have.

Our Need for Acceptance and the Effects of Judgment

Wednesday, August 31st, 2011

All too often people are overly concerned with fitting into the molds of society and with impressing people, even those who they may not even care about. The overwhelming desire to be liked and popular amongst your peers often drives others to act differently and not be themselves. While you cannot change how others act, you personally can take steps to make the world a truly better place. How do you do that? By accepting everyone and everything for how they are, right now, you can help create a more genuine and less superficial world.

Consider this; if everyone were to accept everyone else for who they were, there would be no need to hide secrets from others, or for some to suffer the embarrassment due to one’s perceived unsightly nose or the judged obnoxious laugh. All too often judgmental and prejudice behavior inhibits people from being themselves and causes a need for fakeness and artificiality. Because people judge and do not accept others that things such as cliques and other social stereotypes get developed. People feel a need to associate with only those people who share their same interests only because they feel as though they fit in and feel accepted. And that would make perfect sense as those who are like us, it’s easier to develop rapport with them and makes us feel safe.

Another interesting fact about judgment…did you know that there is a part of our brain in the limbic system that can’t tell the difference between giving and receiving? When you give a compliment to someone or a gift, how does it usually feel to give it? Great, right!? The reason is, there is that part of your brain that perceived it as if you just gave it to yourself. The same goes for judgments. If you think something or verbally say something out loud that is negative or judgmental about someone else, notice the face you make and how it feels for you. Again, that part of your brain just experienced it as if you just said it about yourself.

On a deeper personal level, being accepting of people can show you something that you may not have known about yourself (or maybe just something that you were not comfortable sharing before). By opening yourself up to those who, on the surface, may not seem like “your type”, you could possibly discover other interests that you have and you could possibly develop friendships you wouldn’t otherwise. Having more social circles, besides the one with people who are just like you, increases the quality of your social life far beyond the idea that “one can never have too many friends.”

So the next time you’re feeling like passing judgment on someone who is different from yourself, remember all of the benefits that being accepting can bring to not only you, but the world as well.

Seeing struggle as a Signal, and Confusion as a Gift?

Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

Life, as a single entity, is filled with conflict, struggle, adversity, and confrontations. Now while most of these words have negative connotations, struggle and confusion are not always a bad thing. In life, there is always a way to put a positive spin on things; all you have to do is be open to it and then find the right wording. So instead of using the word struggle, try opportunity, and swap out confusion for humility. The explanation for this tactic is really quite simple.

Struggle often implies that we are having trouble accomplishing a certain task. While it is quite easy to become frustrated and give up on not achieving success right away, consider it as an opportunity to reach new heights and achieve goals far beyond what you thought you could do. Struggles make us all stronger and by taking on this new mindset, you can become encouraged and motivated to go outside of your comfort zone and try things that you would not normally take on. This opens up a whole new world of possibilities, for testing our limits allows us to live life to the fullest and creates the conditions necessary for us to perform at our best.

But the reasoning behind using the word humility for confusion takes a bit more effort to understand. Confusion implies that we don’t understand something, or that something just doesn’t seem to make sense. Again, being confused by something, especially if others around you are able to comprehend the concept easily, can be incredibly frustrating. However, instead of being irritated, think of it as “oh well, no one can know everything.” This is a humbling idea and it is very important to remember that we were put on this earth to evolve and to learn, and understanding that no one is all knowledgeable can help to relax you. Humility comes by way of accepting the fact that you can’t know everything and that not everything will come to you easily and that sometimes you have to work or be a little patient to be able to understand something.

What would it be like for you to take a step back, relax, take a deep breath, then to take a different approach? Life’s little frustrations can be life’s little pleasures. You also might be surprised about where you end up and the path you ended up taking. It’s not always about the end result, it’s usually about the journey in getting there.

Believe it or not, there are benefits to being irrational

Friday, August 19th, 2011

Irrationality is often negatively viewed in modern society, but in actuality irrational behavior has many benefits. For starters being irrational allows you to become more self-confident in the decisions that you make, for acting without rational shows a lack of concern for what others think or say about you, your actions, thoughts, or opinions. All too often in life, we alter what we say and do to fit the conformist molds that society places in our lives, in other words we bend ourselves into a human pretzel. While many allow what is deemed acceptable and unacceptable to be determined by others, those who truly live the best lives throw caution to the wind, and say and do what they want, when they want.

In life, often times we do not reveal our full opinions for fear of upsetting others or causing conflict but acting irrationally allows us to express our true feelings. This brings about a feeling of freedom because when you do not hold anything back, it provides the perfect opportunity for you to lay your heart out on the line, and show everyone what you truly think and feel. And who doesn’t like the feeling of being free?! This action opens the door for other positive changes in your life. In one specific example, you may say something about how you feel that upsets a friend you have, and as a result, your friendship experiences a kink. Instead of viewing this as a negative thing, consider it a positive one and take confidence in the fact that you now have the chance to make other friends who share the same thoughts and opinions as you and that same friendship just might evolve into the kind of relationship you’ve been wanting.

Truly, the benefits of acting irrational are endless, but it is important to remember that there are limits, and I’m sure you know what these kind of limits are. So remember to use common sense when acting irrational (yes, I know that sounds conflicting). Either way, not holding back and allowing yourself to be irrational can open up a whole new world of possibilities for you. In fact, it just might be the most rational thing you’ll ever do.

Becoming an Expert isn’t a One-Time Deal

Monday, August 15th, 2011

We all struggle for attention in life. We all want to be powerful, wealthy, and well liked amongst our peers. Becoming an expert in something most often means to a lot of people that you’ve gotten to that point and that you have achieved it. So why is becoming an expert in anthing important to you? Well what is important to understand is that if you ever reach an expert status, it is not a onetime deal. It’s an ongoing process.

So how does one become an expert? Here are some simple steps to get three:

Believe in yourself. If you believe you can do something, then you can. Set a list of goals that you want to achieve in your new job or anything else for that matter, stay inspired to continue the course and then well….just get it done. Nike had it right when they say “just do it!”  Keep a list of standards, your standards, and remember to always tell yourself that you can. Positive self reinforcement is always an excellent tool in helping to keep yourself on track.

The next major step is to consistently check in with yourself as to how you think you are doing in trying to achieve your goals, and adjust your behavior and actions accordingly. During this experimental stage, if you feel as though you aren’t doing something right, simply change the behavior slightly, or majorly, depending on the behavior, before it becomes a habit. Keeping yourself on track by continually assessing your performance will ensure that you are doing everything right that you possibly can.

The final step which is really an understanding, is that you can’t expect to have expert status instantly. You can, however, expect minor set backs and some struggle along the way. If you start to notice yourself becoming frustrated, instead just stay the course and work through it remembering the end goal: to become an expert. The best thing to realize is that no one can be an expert at something without doing the work and taking action. That just makes logical sense, doesn’t it?

So while it may be discouraging at first to have to start over and work towards expert status from the beginning, especially if you are doing something new or starting a new career and profession, just be patient with yourself and you’ll experience being back on top. I can imagine that once you do, you’ll feel great!