Certified Professional & Executive Life-Coach

…for the World Academy for the Future of Women. I share this inspired awareness of how amazing the young women and future leaders of China are that are in this program after participating in the World Academy as a founding facilitator.

Written by Ann Grim

How did I know the message was being delivered?

I knew it when…

a World Academy member stood up in class and talked about her dream to own a bakery; and how during her holiday break she went back to her village and asked a local bakery owner if she could spend some time there learning about making the different cakes.

I knew it when…

I knew it when…

I knew it when…

It’s been a few months since I’ve written here on my blog and I’m happy to be typing these words to revisit it again. As some of you know, I was in China for six weeks as a founding facilitator for the World Academy for the Future of Women. It is a new empowerment and leadership program we piloted at the SIAS University in Xinzheng in the Henan Province.  I left on April 14th and came home on May 24th. It’s hard to believe that I’ve already been home for 3 and a half weeks. The first few weeks was about getting over the very brutal jet lag trying to adjust back to LA time and LA life. After a lot of sleeping and taking afternoon naps I am finally feeling normal again.

It was my intention to blog about my experience while I was there but I experienced my first cultural difference where as my website was blocked.  I’ll be talking about some other cultural differences as well as basic human similarities in another entry. I had a student install a proxy for me on my computer that allowed me to access my site, Facebook and Twitter for about two weeks but decided to stop working when it felt like it. Even when it did it was extremely slow. So I did write about my experience every night while I was in China but those Word documents are saved in a file on my computer that I not so secretly named. Although I caught up with everything else I had wanted to do since I’ve been home, getting back into blogging has been a struggle. Mostly because there is so much I want to share about those six weeks but I just didn’t know where to start.

Apart from updating my blog, some other goals I had once I got home was to start getting certified in Reiki of which I completed my Reiki I today, go on many walks and play fetch with my dog, and get my body back in shape. I’ve been diligent about going to yoga, walking to the local 24 Hr. Fitness, doing Tao Bo in my living room and I’ve even taken a Richard Simmons class which was so much fun! So now for my blog…

Since I’m still trying to figure out where to even start in sharing about my experience, I thought I would at least share the speech I gave at the Women’s Symposium my last two days at SIAS. There were key note speakers, breakout sessions and there were over five thousand students who attended. Rather than lecturing, I gave my “speech” as part of a discussion where I asked the Freshmen who were most of my audience, how they would define themselves if someone asked them “who are you?” We talked about beliefs they have about themselves, and how to create their future using SMART Goals and creating future memories. That was the most fun since the word “memory” itself reflects something usually interpreted as that which has already happened in the past.

Thank you for reading and if you can imagine the kind of potential conversations were stirred up during those few hours of interaction with Chinese students and teachers. It was a lot of fun. I look forward to doing it again next year.

Introduction I gave:

For the past 6 weeks, I have been participating in The World Academy for the Future of Women, a program that is designed to assist women in finding their identity as leaders.  This powerful program helps the participants to truly know what their values and personal passions are.  It teaches them how to use their individual uniqueness and special qualities, to inspire others to take action, and to implement change that will affect everyone in a positive way.

As a facilitator in the World Academy for Women I have had the opportunity and pleasure to get to know these courageous women and to be a part of their personal growth.  Along side them I too have experienced my own growth as I believe we are all each other’s students and teachers.  I have worked with the Academy members to express their purpose and passion for the work and projects they want to lead in life.

I did this by teaching them to use the power of their voice. I also taught them the importance of understanding their emotions and how to connect feelings to their physical body.  These skills will help them to be effective speakers and to have the confidence in being able to powerfully inspire an audience.

The Key to Defining Your Identity

In the past, if someone were to ask me “how would you define your identity?” I would have defined myself by what I do for work or facts used to describe myself.  I am a woman, I am a working Sales Professional, I am a certain age, I am single, I am living in San Francisco, and I have brown curly hair.  What I know now is that I am more than just these few descriptions.

Have you ever felt as though you wasted time or made bad choices?  In the past, I used to feel that way in many different areas of my life. Such as when it came to jobs I had, roommates I lived with, friends I spent time with, and men I went on dates with. I also regretted things I said in past conversations and wrong opinions I had of other people. I even regretted driving on the highway at a certain time of the day after having been in a car accident.

An expression we sometimes use in America is, “be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.”  When we think certain thoughts, or use the power of our language, it’s important to choose your words wisely.  This is because you just might experience what it is you are thinking or projecting what may happen to you, almost as if it becomes a prediction.

By changing my perspective and acknowledging that certain events didn’t just happen to me, that I was a part of the creation of those events, I now feel empowered.  To understand that I have the power to make choices in my life in any given moment, gave me the key to creating my life with intention. With this new way of thinking, if you were to try it yourself, it may change your experience by no longer seeing yourself as a victim to events or circumstances.

This theory may challenge the idea of “luck” or the idea that certain people are “lucky.” By believing in luck, you are also possibly saying that one person deserves luck whereas someone else doesn’t.  I’ve heard some people say that you are either born lucky or you’re not.  That doesn’t leave much opportunity to change during a person’s life.  What if the people who are seen as lucky just knew how to create what happens in their life?

To define your identity is to ask the question, “Who am I?” Most people live a simple life by staying in their safe box or “comfort zone.”  They don’t challenge themselves to do things beyond what they would normally do.  They also don’t usually challenge themselves to think differently than they usually do. The question, “are you a leader or a follower?” also is a question that helps to answer how you would define your identity.

It is true that we are sometimes a leader and sometimes a follower depending on the situation. When it is not okay to be a follower is when you use it as your reason to stay in your safe box or “comfort zone.”  To define yourself as a leader is to admit that you have the power to create your life moment by moment.  By calling yourself a leader in your own life, you also recognize that you have the ability to be an example to others, and that you can have a positive influence on others.  What you’ll also then discover is that you are more than your professional career and physical characteristics.

I started to discover what I learned. With each job, I learned skills I could use the rest of my life in different contexts. With each roommate I had I learned how to get along with many different personalities, how to communicate and how to listen, and how to resolve conflicts. With the friends I have had throughout my life, I learned what my own fashion style is, how to be myself, how to have fun, and when to support someone else emotionally when something bad happened to them.  I can also now define what “friendship” means to me.

From men that I dated, I learned the difference between masculine and feminine energy and what each of them mean. I learned how to ask for help, how to allow myself to receive help, and that I have a large capacity to love. I also now know what my values are and what is important to me in a relationship.

From the car accident, I learned something really powerful about myself. I learned that when an event such as a car accident happens, it’s usually because you are resisting something. What I realized was that I was resisting my life purpose.  My purpose is to use my life experiences and the lessons from those experiences, as a way of inspiring other people to make powerful changes in their own life.

If someone were to ask you how you would define your identity, what would you tell them? If you imagine that your life now, is a compilation of all the good and the bad experiences you have ever had, and there are no mistakes, only valuable lessons, how would that affect the way you look at your life in this moment?  If you stop wishing that some events in your life never happened, you could simply free yourself of any regret.  The result would be your appreciation of everything you have ever experienced in your life and the gift each experience has given you.

What I know now is that I am a daughter, I am a sister, I am a good friend, and I am a mentor. I am consciousness, I am evolution, I am creativity, and I am expression. Some of the most successful people in the world practice using visualizations, where they create pictures in their mind, about what they want and desire in life. It’s like telling a story that hasn’t happened yet. Who would you like to be?  Tell that story and let the desire of your future define you.

As I climbed the stairs to the 3^rd floor of Peter Hall where I’m staying for the next 6 weeks, I came inside my room after dropping off my cleaned dinner plate back to the cafeteria for washing.  Since I sometimes crave something sweet after I eat, I grabbed a chocolate covered almond, one of the few snacks I brought from home.  I was wondering how I was going to keep myself occupied for the rest of the evening, in the attempt to keep myself awake to further adjust to the current time zone. As I finished chewing the home comfort sweets I heard a knock on my door.

When I opened it, Kim our program administrator was standing there with a few students from campus that are associated with the World Academy program. I invited her in along with the students who seemed to just keep coming. There were 7 in total, 5 of whom are in the program and the other two will be applying to get into the program for next year. As they all shook my hand and gave me their names, I did my best to repeat them as I know these are just a few of the 100 or so names I will be getting familiar with during my stay. They were Alice, Anne, Crystal, Louise, and Ashley.

The other two angels, Echo and Cathy have already been instrumental in my first two days. Echo was one of the students who greeted me at the airport with handshakes and hugs, and Cathy took a trip with me in a cab today escorting me to the bank where I exchanged American dollars for RMB.  There are little interesting cultural differences I am noticing, some of which I am asking about or receiving an explanation for and others I’m just going with it since it’s probably best not to ask.

Like today at the bank, at first I said I wanted to exchange $100 and when I tried for $150 they said I would have to fill out paperwork being that it’s a much bigger deal. I also found it interesting that the teller at the bank wanted Cathy to sign the receipt, not me.  She just said it was better for her to do it, so I didn’t question it and suggested that I can exchange the additional dollars another time.

Meals are scheduled at 7am, 12noon and 6pm of which I am getting my fair share of authentic Chinese food. There are other meals provided but being a veggie and gluten intolerant, well it limits my intake to the sautéed veggies, fried potatoes, olives, steamed rice, tofu of different textures and salads.

It’s surprisingly cold here right now.  It rained today and was about 53 degrees F.  I am so happy I had a Skype call with Kim the day before I came, I almost came with a coat that wasn’t as warm as the one I brought.  I wonder how long I will be using it for.  I also found out today that China controls all heating in homes and buildings, turning it off every year on March 15^th.  Luckily my room has two double beds so I am using the one from the other bed as a second blanket to keep me warm at night.

Speaking of the beds, imagine sleeping on a very hard futon.  I am have been extremely fortunate with the feedback and suggestions I’ve gotten from the previous facilitators and friends regarding travel.  My friend Melanie who conducted Module III suggested I get a sleeping pad of some sort so I purchased a Thermarest typically used for camping.  After allowing it to inflate itself and contributing a few breaths of my own oxygen, I inflated just enough to allow myself a comfortable sleep that lasted about 10 hours.

Last night I crawled into bed around 8:30pm and woke up to my first full day in China around 6:30am shortly before my alarm was supposed to go off at 7am, just in time for breakfast. Breakfast had all the typical American pleasures-fried eggs, hard boiled eggs, scrambled eggs, potatoes, bacon, sausage, pancakes, toast, fruit and made to order omelet.  There was even cheese which here is a luxury being that it’s not a usual part of the Chinese diet and is expensive to import.  In case you were wondering what I ate…I enjoyed potatoes, watermelon, and an omelet with cheese, tomato and broccoli.

My trip here so far has been a nice slow transition with meeting people, eating, settling into my room, getting some work done, running some errands and seeing my surroundings.  I will have plenty of time to get used to where I’m going but right now the campus seems a bit confusing.  I’m sure not for long, but I’m being reminded not to worry and that if I need anything, all I have to do is call one of the many students who are willing to be my guides and assistants to whatever I need or want.

Knowing Kim who has been here teaching English since last semester in September in addition to being our program Administrator is a blessing. She knows people who can do things for you when you need them. Today I met Alpha who is a tech person here at the school.  He came to my room to help me to get into my Facebook profile which is not usually accessible here in China. By downloading an application on my computer that connects me to another computer somewhere in the world who can access Facebook, I am now connected! It just makes you realize how powerful the Internet really is.  I was also worried that I couldn’t access my website and update my blog. With this application, that problem is solved too. Sadly though I still haven’t figured out how the general person can access my website here. Still working on that one.

Overall I’ve experienced a nice welcome arriving in a country where I don’t speak the language at all and have never ventured to before. This trip will be a lot of firsts for me too-the longest distance away from home, the longest airplane trip, longest layovers, and the longest stay.  My flight here from LAX to Beijing was 12 hours, arriving at the Los Angeles Int’l airport at around 10:45pm to go through security, check my bags and wait for my flight to take off at 1:40am on Saturday, April 10^th.

I realized in coming that after arriving at the Beijing airport around 5:20am and waiting for my flight to Zhengzhou that departed at 12:15pm on Sunday the 11^th about a 7 hour layover), that Saturday April 10^th barely existed for me. It did for about an hour and 40 minutes and was immediately lost once I was on the flight to Beijing, which has to be the cleanest airport I have ever been in!  Everywhere I turned, walked to or went to the ladies’ room, I noticed there was a very diligent worker wiping down something at every given moment.

I did my best to occupy myself to kill the 6 hours I had as a layover before getting on a flight to Zhengzhou. I must have walked around the entire airport, all three floors, went through every shop, gawked at the well packaged Chinese snacks of cookies, crackers, candies, nuts, and dried meats and fish, with some items being totally unrecognizable. I have finished half of a brand new book I’m reading and managed to fall asleep for a little while after finding some empty seats with no arm rests in between them.

At first I was a bit worried about carrying so many bags but at the Beijing airport and the Zhengzhou airport the carts are free, no coins necessary.  So I was able to save my back and shoulders the burden of carrying my purse, carryon with change of clothes and toiletries in case of lost luggage, and backpack to include my computer, cameras, snacks, DVD’s for showing in classes, books to read and other materials to use for curriculum. Oh, and electrical chords for everything.  At the Beijing airport I also occupied my time by eat at a fast food Chinese place, literally titled Chinese fast food where I ate vegetable dumplings, rice and pumpkin soup and some sautéed spinach.

All of this was just my first almost 48 hours here in China.  It all started with some good friends, John and Deena, taking me to the airport on a Friday night with some of the best travel tips that I luckily listened to.  They suggested I buy a neck pillow which I have always resisted but experienced the ability to actually sleep in a plane for the first time which I also used to sleep on in the Beijing airport during my layover.

They also saved me a lot of money when I checked in my luggage.  I tried to keep things simple by bringing just one large suitcase but was worried being that the suitcase was really heavy even just empty.  As we got into the car to leave they suggested I grab an extra duffel bag just in case my suitcase is over the required weight and might get charged an extra fee.  I hastily agreed and was extremely grateful I complied once I got there. We weighed my bag before I checked in and discovered that once I did, that I would have to pay $330 to keep everything packed as it was!

So John and I opened my suitcase and starting taking out all the heavy items that could be packed in a soft duffel bag, lightening up the load of the larger suitcase so I incurred no charge at all.  Lesson learned. Invest in new lightweight luggage, and next time, be okay with bringing 2 suitcases instead of one large one.  At that point I wasn’t even at my official destination yet and was already planning ways on how I would do things differently next time.