Certified Professional & Executive Life-Coach

On January 12th of this year, I was contacted by Rori Raye, relationship guru who has a website called www.havetherelationshipyouwant.com.  In her email to me she mentioned “I’m looking for coaches, speakers, and authors who can offer concrete ways for a woman to feel great about herself and get into, keep, and deepen a romantic relationships.”  After a few email exchanges, Rori Raye and I had a very fun phone call where I shared with her some of the techniques I use, how I coach clients on relationships and dating, as well as some examples of real client situations.  No names of course.

The call resulted in her inviting me in to her studio to do a recorded interview that lasted about an hour and a half which could have easily gone on longer.  Although we agreed on specific topics to cover, we also agreed to be spontaneous and let ourselves do an “in the moment dance” of just going where the conversation took us.  We covered a wide range of subjects in regards to dating, values, and being in a relationship.

She was asking me questions about how I would coach clients through difficult relationship histories, troubled current relationships and finding one’s confidence to get back out there to see a positive future in dating. We talked about masculine vs. feminine energies, and what blocks us from having the life we dream of or our ideal relationship.  It’s also important to be conscientious of who you are getting your dating/relationship advice from.  Most of your friends and family will advise you based on their history and what they think is good for you, not necessarily what is really good for you. Rori Raye and I also covered ground on how to understand your emotions, and to answer the most basic question of why you would want a relationship in the first place?

What I really love about relationships, and that goes for all relationships not just romantic ones, is that we use relationships to express who we really are.  The problem is that most women don’t truly express their authentic Self due to fears.  We also often look for reasons to not date someone rather than the reasons why we could. Notice how I did’t say the word “should.”  The word should is in reference to a “have to” and no one wants to “have to” do anything.  So why make yourself? Instead use the dating experience to learn more about yourself and to get know the array of interesting men out there. Not every man you date will end up being your husband. So you might as well enjoy your time with them.

To engage yourself in the dating pool with intention, clarity and confidence may be a whole new experience for you.  So to start with the first step, it’s important to ask yourself some valuable questions.  It’s also important to recognize your own personal dating style.

The cd my interview is on was shipped the first week of March and I listened to my copy this past week.  I am grateful for having had the opportunity to sit down with Rori Raye and discuss one of the most widely discussed issues in our society. If you guessed it’s happiness, you are mostly right, but there is a large percentage of women (and men) who base their happiness on the status and experience of their love life.  What would it be like for you to be happy regardless?

When I coach clients on dating, we start with questions such as the following:

1.  What is your definition of dating?

2.  What are your beliefs about men?

3.  Where do your beliefs about dating come from?

…and many more.

If you’re ready to approach tomorrow with the desire to get a clear picture of those relationship patterns that are no longer serving you, mixed with knowing how valuable it would be to truly know what you value in terms of relationships, then don’t wait another day.  There is an abundance of love out there–love that you were meant to give, and most importantly receive.

Also, if you want to search for me and for SEO purposes, remember to type Alanna Levenson (not Allana Levinson!) into Google and it will bring you right to my site!

As women, being the emotional creatures that we are, we tend to get to a point in our lives where we start to reflect on where we are and how we got here. That self reflection involves taking a look at what we are up to at this stage in our life, regardless of what stage that might be, as well as the people that are we interact with on a regular basis. The reality of who those people are and what their most noticeable qualities might be can either be a harsh one or a proud one.

Have you ever wondered why you have the friends that you have? Whether you’re married, currently in a relationship, or out there dating, do you ever think to yourself “what am I doing to attract these types of men?” It might not necessarily be what you’re doing or not doing, it’s most likely due to who you’re being.

So now you might be wondering, well what does that really mean, “who am I being?” Who a person is being may have something to do with actions you are taking but it’s more or rather how you approach what it is that you do. It also has to do with the why you do what you do.

To dig a little deeper, it has more to do with what is it that you value and whether or not you are honoring those values. Most people really don’t know what they value in the many different aspects of their lives, including relationships as a whole. If you did, the how and why of what you do would be crystal clear. As would the who is along right there with you.

Since we attract who we’re being, can you answer the question of who you’re being in the world? Maybe a better place would be, whom you would you like to be? Where it all really starts is to answer the question by acknowledging what type of relationship you have with yourself.

To honor your values is to love yourself, respect yourself, and to hold yourself of high importance. I’m no longer surprised by the many limiting beliefs people share with me, that supports how often are taught not to do such a thing. The message is commonly packaged in the box of it’s selfish to think of yourself first. Granted, there are some women out there that practice it so much that they forget they need other people and end up isolating themselves. I’m not talking about those women.

It is such a positive benefit for women to have clarity around what they value and why. In fact a great question to ask yourself is, “why is this important to me?” For those single women out there who long to meet your soul mate, what would that do for you? To be happy is not really the answer. The need for the soul mate then becomes the dependent factor in your having happiness and if the relationship doesn’t work out then you’re right back to seeking happiness again.

At this point, you are probably really starting to wonder, and it’s a good thing to do that, what it is that you truly value. Start by making a list. Write it out, don’t censor yourself and don’t hold back, this list is for you. Make it as long or as short as you like.

When you feel as though you’re complete with your list, now ask yourself one value at a time, why it’s important to you. What you just might discover is that one or more of those values really aren’t your value at all, it’s really someone else’s. You might even recognize who gave you that value. Was it a friend, a parent, or maybe even a sibling?

Start to cross some of them off your list, and then rate those left in order of importance. Now that you have a more succinct list that you feel good about, look at your life as if you’re looking in the mirror, and you’ll start to see who you’re being. The people in your life will provide you with the most crystal clear mirror you could ever have. Be courageous and bold in consideration of your reflection, and the choices you make from here will reflect the new you.